Long-Distance Polyamory's Journal|
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Below are the 17 most recent journal entries recorded in
Long-Distance Polyamory's LiveJournal:
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|Saturday, October 17th, 2009|
Hey, I'm looking for friends. This is my slave blog where I write about my thoughts that I feel about the relationship I have with my Master. Our training is still in elementary stages and goes pretty slowly do to LDR but I'm transferring there in a year and hopefully things will get clearer.
|Tuesday, February 27th, 2007|
A mere 10 days and I get to feel the touch of my love's arms around me, get to smother him with kisses and affections. The difference is this time we are going to be alone together for athe weekend he is here. No sharing of my time, no making sure neither of my guys feels slighted Just pure adulterated time to be
with each other.
I sincerely need to heap praises and love and affection upon tecknogeek
, my beloved husband of 16 years, for his monumental acceptance of my relationship with my love (damn you, you really need to let me give you credit too, I want to shout your name from the rooftops, my love, my wonderful sweet boy).
I have been seeing my love for 7 months, prior hubby and I were totally sexually monogamous. I had other very close relationships with men, even love but following society's idea of faithfulness I never strayed sexually. It does help that hubby was yummy lol Hubby was totally great on love's previous visits. It was so nice to be able to sleep nestled between the two men that I love. And hubby was gracious enough to give me private time with love as well.
Somehow spending an entire weekend alone with my love speaks to me of the relationship moving to a new level. It speaks of an acceptance on the parts of out spouses to allow that level of intimacy to occur between us. To accept her spouse to spend money to fly here and rent a room for me instead of her. For hubby to say yes go enjoy your weekend sans kids when he gets no vacation.
Part of me says I'm reading too much into it, it really can't mean the same thing to him. But you know? I think it does. And that scares and excites me. I want to know that it means something, I want to know that he cares and he is not going to decide that wow this long distance thing is not worth it, or decide poly is really too much work. I mean, I know one woman can be trying now he has to deal with two lol. And it have not always been the easiest to try and and satisfy both of us, both my love and his wife have only recently decided to give poly a go after being together monogamously since high school.
Sometimes I wonder where we will be in a few years, the connection seems so intense, but neither of of are in a position to move. How do you maintain a relationship that would be marriage material had you not both been married and in love and committed to your spouses when you live almost 1000 miles apart and see no true chance of that changing? I take joy when things go well at home for him, I adore him more because of his love for his wife and kids; I find that a very endearing quality in a man. I love my husband and can't imagine life not being married to him. I just wish we all lived closer. This is new ground for me, never considered being in an intense serious committed long term relationship with this much distance involved. And neither did my love. This took us both by surprise, it was supposed to be friends with benefits, but it feels more like he should be my spice. Chatting online, chatting via cam, even talking on the phone did not give me any clue as to how much chemistry there could be when I saw him in person.
I am happy with what I have with my love, no complaints, but it is new territory! lol I am learning to redefine relationship success.
x-posted to polyamory Current Mood: loved
|Monday, February 26th, 2007|
intro / asking for help
first, the intro:
melissa / 33 / pansexual / poly / living in ohio.
anything else you would like to know, feel free to ask.
now, the asking for help:
i have been involved in poly relationships since 2000. some worked well, some didn't. from each experience i try to learn a little more - about myself, about others and about relationships. right now, i find myself in a very different situation than any other i've been in - i am a secondary to a man in toronto (5-6hrs away). my primary relationship is in a bit of chaos (moving, family obligations, etc) but i love her dearly and am sure we will make it through just fine.
i feel like i am unable to really get my footing in the secondary relationship. we started out casually chatting and quickly became quite interested in one another. i do truly care about him, but have never been in the secondary role or in a ldr. granted, the distance isn't unmanageable; i have a very flexible schedule and love to drive!
i guess what i could use the most help with is how to acclimate to a new position (secondary), situation (ldr), and relationship (stephen) - all at once. ::sigh:: i want to do this; i want to do it right. i just feel a bit lost and hope that there are a few folk out there who are willing to drop me a line or lend an ear (even virtually).
[cross posted to askpoly
, and poly_ldr
] Current Mood: confused
|Wednesday, November 1st, 2006|
|Tuesday, August 15th, 2006|
My New LDR
I just found this community, and was happy to join! So here's my lil intro... because I want to shout to the world that I'm in love with the most wonderful, hottest boy in town! Only it's not my town. Or even state. *sigh*
But I already have the hottest most wonderful boy in my town... my husband. Hehe!
So deal with it, Utah and Arizona. I've got both of your prize men! But luckily, I share. LOL
I'm Lia, my husband of 9 years is Ren, and my boyfriend of one and a half months (though friend of two years) is nahmo
. DH and I have been poly for 6 of the 9 years. My relationship with my other boyfriend of 5 years has recently been re-purposed into a friendship. DH simply hasn't had time, with work and school, to find/form/maintain any other relationships, but he'd like to. I hope he gets to, soon. Who knows, maybe my bi boys will hook up with each other. Wouldn't that be sweet and compact? =D
Tucson will sadly lose nahmo
when he moves (sometime next year?) to join our family, either here in Salt Lake or somewhere in the world where we can build our dreams together.
Until then, the distance means we have to go painfully slow, and arrange our first-ever meeting and then subsequent trips, like our first ever family vacation including our new family member. =) It's scary and wonderful and hard, but thankfully not a permanent separation or even a relatively long one.
But I don't know how to do LDR. I'm hoping to spot some tips and tricks here. (One for all of you: Virtual dates via web cam, dressing up, lighting candles, buying the same kind of wine to "share", etc... my clever boy came up with that. It was fun!)
I'd also like to see the example of others doing it poly-style. And how to help everyone get to know each other enough to be comfortable doing relationship work together. From across the distance. =) Especially with the busy-ness of college in each of our lives.
Brave new world. Hope everyone here is as happy as I am, or more. =) Current Mood: hopeful
|Thursday, July 27th, 2006|
Howdy! I'm from Texas, but am currently living in Minnesota. I just got engaged on May 2, 2006. I have been dating my fiancee since May 15, 2004. We met on Match.Com in November of 2003, and didn't actually meet in person until April 17, 2004. We dated long distance (3 hours away) for the first 9 months of our relationship. In January 2005 I moved (and transferred schools) to be with him, and I was there until May 19, 2006, when I moved to MN for school. Now we're doing long distance again, but this time we've decided to have an open relationship (where as before we were monogomous - even though I struggled with this). We have a totally honest relationship, and it's beautiful! He wants the best for me, and I for him. We both encourage each other to follow our dreams in education, career, travel, relationships, etc, and we make each other better people. He's my best friend, my rock, my lover, my joy, my soul, my laughter, and my spirit.
I have not seen him since May 22, 2006, and I get to go back to Texas on August 4th!! I'm super excited!! I cannot wait to see him, my family, and my future in laws. I have formed bonds here in MN, but no one compares to him. I have not had sex since he left either, so I am very happy for that! ;-) We talk every day, three times a day (if not more), and we're really happy the way things are going.
He will be graduating from Texas A&M University in May 2007 w/ a BA in Biomedical Engineering. I won't be graduating until 2008 w/ a BA in Psychology, and a Minor in Urban Ministries. We both want to attend grad school, so who knows if we'll end up in the same town after our undergrad. We have a tentative wedding date set for October 18, 2008 (we would both like to have degrees under our belt before getting married), but we're prepared to live apart during grad school if need be. I would like to settle down in NYC or Europe, and since he'll be doing consulting, he can pretty much relocate anywhere. I have no idea how long we'll be in a LDR, but he's worth the wait! We both know we want to be together, make a home, and have children once school (undergrad and grad) is all said and done with.
Did I mention that he's amazingly gorgeous too??! Although, the best part of our relationship is how we can have intellectually stimulating and challenging conversations. Intelligence has always been my #1
turn on!! Current Mood: giddy
Long Distance Primaries?
I've been meaning to post something here for ages, and now seeing Tolkiengoddess's post
has finally prompted me to say hello. So, hello!( Don't you want to know the details of my exciting love life?Collapse )
Anyone else out there in a primary or nesting-type LDR? How do you keep it from feeling secondary to local relationships? And, since I think I'd be happier if I joined in on some of the scary OSO hanging-outing, can anyone suggest some good 3-way long distance activities? A girl can only play so much Internet Scrabble. Current Mood: contemplative
|Wednesday, July 5th, 2006|
Hello, I'm new to the community so I thought I'd post the obligatory intro post. Hopefully it won't be too confusing. Basics, I'm a 22 year old pansexual, polyamorous switch who lives in Upstate New York. I am in an LDR with 2 (sort of 3, explained below) people. This ended up a lot longer than I thought it would, so I'm throwing it under a cut. Thanks to anyone who actually reads through this whole thing.( Cut for lengthinessCollapse ) Current Mood: tired
|Friday, June 23rd, 2006|
|Tuesday, June 20th, 2006|
howdy; sorry this is long, but I'm having issues... any advice?
I'm so glad I found this! I'm already a member of live journal but I googled "polyamory long distance" and this came up.
I've been with my current partner for almost two years, and it's the most amazing relationship I've ever been in. We've been non-monogomous, and have espoused ourselves to be polyamorous, but when we were living in the same town, we were pretty much emotionally monogomous. I've always grappled with jealousy to a greater or lesser extent when he was hooking up with somebody, but felt very unthreatened by it because we were so close and those were pretty much just physical things, so got over it fairly quickly. plus, this is one of those we've-really-healed-each-other relationships, in which both of us have made huge emotional leaps and healed a lot of old wounds together, and so I always had something so deep with him that it felt like it was untouchable by anyone else.
to make a long story short, he's a traveller. he just graduated from college and his plan for a long time has been to get out of the town I live in and travel around the world for a few years. I am not at that point in my life at all, so we're facing a pretty complicated problem.
currently he's living about three hours away, where he's been living for about 6 months, saving up for his travels. we see each other about every three weeks and talk on the phone regularly. until recently, I'd say that our LDR was going super-swell, although of course I'd prefer we were in the same place. the problem with recently, is that it looks like he is falling in love with someone who lives in the same town as him, who's falling in love with him. he had a crush on her for awhile, but she didn't seem interested, and they were just friends, but that's changing and they've starting hooking up and are developing strong feelings for each other.
the problem I'm having is, somehow this hooking up is different, and I'm completely freaking out. I've thought about what this is triggering in me and it's basically the insecurity over the fact that our future relationship is uncertain, compounded by envy over the fact that I'm really not getting any game right now, compounded by envy over the fact that they get to spend time together while he and I can't as often, compounded by other insecurities and abandonment issues that I've had since I was a kid. I didn't think I could take it, actually, so I tried to break up with him but I can't; we're just too in love.
I guess I'm mostly just looking for other folks who've dealt with similar stuff, and what they've done that helped. I'm coping better now than I was before, but it's still shitty. I'm having trouble negotiating how to be honest about how I'm feeling without turning every conversation I have with him into him trying to comfort a panicking child and/or a jealous teenager. in my own heart I'm having trouble finding a way to focus on finding the root of my emotions without feeling like I'm just scrambling for ways to make them stop, or trying to rationalize them away by psychoanalyzing myself.
any help, advice, or experiences would be greatly appreciated. thanks!
The speed of LDRs
I have one LDR, and sometimes it's really confusing. In a month, we are going to celebrate our one year anniversary.
Sometimes it feels like we have been together a long time. We see each other and quickly settle into an "old married couple" feeling.
Other times, I have kind of a fourth-date feeling. Like it's a brand new relationship and I'm not ready for a lot, like, sharing personal stuff, sexual stuff, whatever.
We try to see each other about once a month, but it usually works out to be once every 2 months. Still, we talk a lot and are very good friends. I just can't work out the speed of the relationship, or figure out what I'm comfortable with. Current Mood: contemplative
|Saturday, May 6th, 2006|
From LDR to Local; and Co-Habitation
(x-posted from my own journal
Once upon the beginning of my exploration of polyamory as a relationship model, a multi-partner household was something I vehemently rejected (clearly, out of fear) as "not for me", and something I couldn't imagine myself doing. I lived with Matt, and grounded myself in our relationship, and our home, and the us as I knew it.
Since then, John's entered the picture. And, he's now decided to move to Vancouver. This is for a handful of reasons, including dissatisfaction with his current job, the opportunity in Vancouver to be back in school in the fall, and, well, uh, me. Ironically enough, given where he started off in his ability to deal with/be a part of a polyamorous relationship, John is the one who brought up the possibility of he, Matthew, and I co-habitating.
This makes perfect logical sense: John's moving to a foreign city, and if he's going to be sharing living space with others anyway, it makes perfect sense that those people should be people he knows, trusts, wants to spend time with, and knows he can live with. (We figure that if the three of us survived just over two weeks in a one-bedroom unscathed, we could definitely make co-habitation work.) He's also expressed a fear that me living with Matt and/but not him would make my relationship with him secondary. While appeasing someone's fears is not a reason to make a decision like this, his point is well taken: I want a home, not to feel torn between two living spaces, which is what I suspect would happen if John was to find his own place.
I've mixed feelings about this. Pros: I really do believe that the three of us could make co-habitation work and that we could all feel happy and healthy doing so. I've stated as a non-negotiable that the space would have to be a three bedroom, and both Matt and John understand this. I love the idea of building a home with two partners I love and have fantastically functional relationships with. I love the idea of the space a three bedroom would mean: not only the luxury of my own room (everyone should have a room of one's own -- and not just because I love that book), but also, I could have an actual house! A space I could make my own!
Cons: I resent the feeling that I should bypass the adjustment phase that I know myself well enough to know I need, to accomodate circumstantial convenience. (If we're going to be doing this anyway, why not just do it now rather than John finding some temporary place in the interim?). This is scary -- I've built a home with Matt for over a year and a half. Give or take a handful of weeks, in the last more-than-year-and-a-half, I've fallen asleep and woken up in the same bed, to the same person. Paradigm shifts are hard. Change is difficult. My relationships - my self - are in flux, and, on some level, I envy the myth of stability that monogamy purports.
|Monday, May 1st, 2006|
You know it's love when...
You know it's an LDR when your sweetheart suggests taking a trip at some unspecified time in the future, but you only ask "Why location X?" after you've thoroughly researched airfares, climate conditions, affordable hotels, and local points of interest.
For an hour.
|Saturday, April 22nd, 2006|
An Intro and Discussion: Jealousy vs. Envy
Delurking to pose a question and to offer a brief introduction. I'm C. I live in Vancouver, BC with my husband of five years (partner of seven) R. I'm really new to poly even though I've always thought I was nonmonogamous.
In January, I entered into a poly LDR relationship with a man who has been my best friend and closest confidante (save for my husband) for the last six years. I confessed my attraction to him in a lighthearted IM conversation one afternoon and was shocked to discover that the feelings were mutual.( Read more...Collapse )
|Monday, April 17th, 2006|
Good idea for a community, methinks...
Howdy. :) I'm Ed. I've been theoretically poly-minded since reading Stranger In A Strange Land and Friday, prolly around '82 or so-ergo all of my adult life. Up until maybe 3 years ago though I just thought it was another one of those ideas that's great in theory but probably won't ever work. Then 2 years ago wifey embarrasedly admitted she had found sex chatrooms and was greatly enjoying herself, but was all ashamed and such. And of course she was quite surprised by the positive response she got. Anyway, to this point neither of us has gone physical with a relationship (though I'm totally fine with the idea-she's the one with cold feet). We have both had LDRs of varying degress of seriousness, and I suspect if it wasn't for the insane inconvenience and expense of getting from New Zealand to either the US or UK she might have hooked up with one or more of her boys (and I most certainly would have done so with my girls, if she allowed it). Anyway, for the moment I'm having a rather enjoyable and crazy awesome NRE experience with blackburntrose
, with whom I have connected in a fashion hitherto unknown to myself, and it's rocking most intensely. Hence my interest in poly-LDRs.
So, hi. :)
|Saturday, April 15th, 2006|
Intro on demand
So. Hi. I'm terrible at these things.
21 years old (22 in a matter of days), bi, living in Michigan, doin the student thing. I've been whatever-we-are with dan4th
and his partner for just over 6 months now. We've had some fantastic visits (3 over these past 6 months), and all get along rather well together, despite our lack of proper labeling.
This is my first foray into a triad, although I've been turned off by "conventional" relationships for years now. It's hard, with the distance and all, but it feels like we all try as hard as we can to keep each other well-informed on our lives (especially with the new Google calendar).
So. Yes. Hello. There are lots more details into the relationship, but it is 4 am, and dan4th
can always help fill in the details. Current Mood: tired
|Friday, April 14th, 2006|
The Other Half...er...Third... Weighs In.
Hey y'all. syncopated_time
here. I go with savannahdreamer
*points down the page* and D.
I'm 25 and this is my first foray into poly, as well as my first serious LDR. I suppose I'm jumping in with both feet. Hopefully said feet are not encased in concrete. *grin*
Mal pretty much covered the situation. She's about 45 minutes from me and D is 3 to 4 hours from us. 45 minutes doesn't sound like a lot but man, at the end of a long day when it's bed time or girlfriend time... Honestly it's a tough call to make whether we want to get back in our cars and drive more. It's frustrating being so close to her and yet it's such a hassle to get to each other. Plus our living situations are less than ideal at the moment, making visits complicated at best.
D's living situation is also less than ideal but at least it's a place for the 3 of us to be together undisturbed. The problem of course being that it's really weekend excursion to go see him. While this isn't a problem for me with my buttoned-down corporate job1
where I have every weekend off it can be problematic for D and Mal, who sometimes work weekends. Right now we're working on spending 2 weekends a month together as a triad. It's time well spent but adjusting to life without them afterwards... Wow, that's tough. We were just up there last weekend and it took me until Thursday to get back in stride.
Mal and I are hoping to move in together sometime over the summer. We had been friends for a very long time before dating so this is something that would have happened regardless of our relationship status. D... D is going to have to come to his own decision about where he wants to live. It's one of those subjects that one just doesn't bring up too early on in a relationship. Especially one already made ... occasionally precarious by distance and some other factors.
So that's pretty much the situation. A long distance triad. Honestly, if you'd have told me a year ago that a) I'd be dating a woman and b) I'd be dating a boy too... I would have looked at you like you had two heads and antennae. But sometimes things happen that you don't expect. I wasn't actively looking for partners.... then suddenly there they were. And now here I am. Serendipity?
Anyway, it's nice to have a place to discuss the peculiarites of LDR Poly. :)
Ooo, here's a question! Do you guys ever find yourselves wishing your time away until you can see your partner(s)? Since January I have wished away more time than a little kid thinking about Christmas in July. On one hand... most of it is time I wouldn't be doing much with anyway. On the other hand it feels ungreatful to wish my life away. Sometimes I worry I define myself too much by my partners. But that's another discussion I guess.
Whoops, much longer intro than I'd intended. Mea culpa! :)
But you should see the looks I get when I try to explain the pictures of the 3 of us at my desk... Current Mood: good